People who inflict abuse are controlling and feel the need to make their victims believe they are inferior in order to uplift their own damaged self-image. Individual Counselling will help.
The cycle of abuse.
- Are you feeling helpless, powerless, or worthless about yourself due to abuse?
- Are you wondering how you got to this point in your life?
- Are you feeling as though you have no self respect or dignity left?
- Have you been unsuccessfully trying to resolve issues that trigger the abuse?
- Are you feeling like nothing is working and you are trapped in a downhill spiral?
- Have you tried everything in your power to stop your partners abusing behavior?
Nothing has worked because your partner needs to continue controlling you to boost their own damaged self esteem. Abuse is their way of doing it.
“Failure” to stop the abuse and “failure” to resolve issues, has very likely set up feelings of helplessness within you because you can’t seem to make anything better no matter how hard you try. As you keep trying, and failing, these feelings of helplessness grow. Your self-esteem is driven down and your sense of self-worth is shattered. You lose confidence in yourself and your abilities.
The abuse and your failed efforts to stop it, erode your self-confidence, devastate your self-esteem and destroy your sense of self-worth. You become fearful, insecure and dependent. Everything in your life eventually revolves around your abuser, their moods and their needs. You become a non-person, and as such, you are reduced to existing as your abuser’s “possession” or “provider.”
You can’t change your partner no matter how hard you try. You can’t love them enough to make them stop abusing you. Only the abuser can make the decision to change and stop the abuse.
But there is hope, you can change yourself, take back your power and regain your self esteem.
Below is a description of the cycle of abuse, you will most certainly recognize the demoralizing sequence in your own relationship with an abuser. This cycle will keep you emotionally fearful and psychologically imbalanced hence keeping you stuck in the downward spiral of the abuse vortex.
The cycle of abuse is rarely broken without outside help. Victims need to learn how to set boundaries that protect them and help them to break free of the cycle of victimization. Abusers must confront and take responsibility for the verbal and physical abusive patterns of behavior.
Types of Abuse:
There are different types of abuse and all can be equally traumatizing.
- Emotional/Psychological Abuse
- Verbal Abuse
- Physical Abuse
- Sexual Abuse
The abusers intention is to degrade and undermine their victim’s sense of self-worth. This allows them to gain the power and control they seek to become the dominator. Instilling guilt, shame and fear are some of the tactics used to reject and negate the victim’s ideas and opinions
After a while, the manipulation and mind games leads the victim to question their own sanity, ultimately leaving them with a strong sense of doubt. The victim eventually deems themselves worthless and finally gives up their power to the abuser.
Harassment and stalking are other psychological tactics the abuser may use to intimidate their victim.
Verbal abuse is the constant use of demeaning, shameful and hurtful remarks or comments that are used to manipulate and control the victim by humiliating and degrading them to the point of defenselessness. These remarks are often in the form of threats and often include name calling, ‘you’ statements, blame and foul language.
Verbal abuse creates mental anguish, anxiety, and fear in the victim, who in time feels deflated, hopeless and trapped. Eventually the victim buys into the abusers opinion and they too see themselves as worthless and useless. Eventually control is gained as the victim relinquishes their power to the abuser.
Physical abuse is the most visible form of abuse and is characterized by the infliction of injury upon the victim including hitting, kicking, biting, slapping, shoving, and even throwing or breaking objects.
The abuser instills such fear and intimidation in the victim that they control every aspect of the victims’ life. The abuser usually isolates the victim and may dictate what the victim does, how they dress and who they see.
In physical abuse the victim usually lives in constant fear of losing their life.
Sexual abuse is a crime:
It is usually a betrayal of trust and an abuse of power and authority over the victim. Children, teens, young adults, the elderly and persons with a mental or physical disability are very often the victims of sexual abuse. The lower the defenses of the victim the greater the risk of sexual abuse.
Sexual abuse consists of unwanted, nonconsensual, sexual activity that occurs either one time or on an ongoing basis and includes fondling, intercourse, rape, incest, sodomy, exhibitionism, involving a victim in prostitution or pornography or sexually, inviting the victim to touch or be touched.
Other forms of sexual abuse include degrading ones sexuality, derogatory comments, sex on demand or sexual withholding, and controlling one’s reproductive choices.
Because of the trauma associated with an experience of sexual abuse and the social stigma surrounding the crime, many sexual abuse victims feel confused and tend to downplay or minimize their experiences.
Sexual harassment is any unwelcome behavior, sexual in nature that adversely affects, or threatens to affect, directly or indirectly, a person’s job security, working conditions or prospects for promotion or earnings; or prevents a person from getting a job, living accommodations or any kind of public service.
If any of these situations are familiar to you then please let Deanne use her expertise to help you break out of the vicious cycle of abuse. She will show you how to regain your sense of self worth and reclaim your personal power. As a result you will move forward confident and self-assured to live a life free from abuse, control and manipulation.